Significance in Other

I lived with a man. A man I loved. A man in limbo when my career was steady and full. A man that was easy-going and never had a problem in the world. Except for me.

Relationships are hard, but when you love someone, you work it out.

I found out I was pregnant by that man. That man said he needed me to move to Colorado with him because it was the best thing for our future. For our family. He was going anyway.

Relationships are important, you are investing in your future.

I was engaged to that man. He did not propose romantically. He gave me a diamond that belonged to his grandmother on a necklace in a bed in a remote hotel my company paid for. He was returning from a ski trip. We had the ring sized and set.

Relationships are sometimes uneven, one person carries more weight than the other.

I announced my engagement and my pregnancy at the same time. I was 29. It was like I was part of a club that I didn’t know existed. It no longer had the stigma of scandal. I felt trapped. My heart was confused.

I panicked.

I had a miscarriage. I cried. I wept. I grieved. I planned a wedding.

RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!

He moved to Colorado and I had 6 weeks left for my job. My sister threw me a wedding shower. I bought a dress. My mom and I fought.

Relationships are hard, but when you love someone, you work it out.

I moved to Colorado. He was distant. I asked him why he wanted to marry me. He said he didn’t want to be alone. I gave the ring back and we said we’d work on it.

He smoked some pot and said he couldn’t do it anymore.

Sometimes relationships end.

I flew home.

I feel like my life has just started. But it’s not what I expected at all.

and sometimes cliche advice is just shit.

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When Practice becomes Permanance

Aside

Everyday, I walk through the hallway of the assisted living / skilled nursing facility in which I work. I see Max (name has been changed) and cheerfully say, “Hello Max.” I can’t help but be cheerful because he has this delightfully surprised look on his face, like he’s meeting a long-time fan that he’s never seen before in his life. It makes my day.

Max used to be mayor and like his friend Joe (an old barber), they are a pleasure to be around in this stage of Dementia.

They seem to be in the blissful stage of not remembering.  My experience is limited and I have no expectation of either of these men’s kindness, history or personality. I have a fresh look at his spirit, I have the privilege of seeing him for the person that he is right at this moment. And that is what Dementia becomes, moment to moment.

Which begs the question, do we become what we practice? In our most basic representation of life and spirit; living moment to moment, without expectation and history, how do we impact the immediate world around us?  Is their demeanor part of their nature or is it in the time they spent being friendly and cordial in their daily lives?

In Dementia, Adaptation is the adventure. When you loose all your memories, all you have left is life.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/05/20/130520fa_fact_mead